How to be a great listener when someone is talking to you about their stress.

We are all under a lot of stress right now, and one of the ways to reduce those feelings of stress is to talk about it. We want to be great listeners, but where do we start?

1. Invite the person to talk about their stress in as much depth and detail as possible.
2. Offer your support in the following ways:
   • Show genuine interest by maintaining eye contact (if possible) and asking questions
   • Be an ally by showing empathy
   • Communicate understanding
   • Show solidarity
3. Share emotions.
   • Interest: Tell me more about that.
   • Excitement: Wow! That’s great!
   • Sadness: That is so sad.
   • Fear: That is something that would have worried me too.
   • Irritation or Anger: I can see why you would be annoyed here.
4. DO NOT:
   • Ignore
   • Fail to respond
   • Get defensive
   • Criticize
   • Problem solve until requested
5. Seek to understand; then offer advice (if requested). Ask if the person feels understood. If the answer is:
   • NO: Ask questions to help increase understanding.
     • What is most upsetting to you about this?
     • What is this like for you?
     • Is there anything I can do to support you in this?
     • What do you need?
   • YES: Ask if they are interested in receiving advice or problem solving.
     • If they are interested, ask them what their suggestions are before offering your own.
     • If no, tell them thank you for trusting and sharing with me.

REMEMBER: There is no such thing as an emotional over-reaction. Try not to judge the person’s emotions.

Thank you for taking the time to be a better leader, coach, mentor. We appreciate you!

Interpreted from The Gottman Institute’s guide for “The Stress-Reducing Conversation”